How to Forgive and Let Go Spiritually (Even When It Feels Impossible)
You've heard it before. "Just forgive and move on." "Holding onto anger only hurts you." "Forgiveness is for your own healing."
And part of you knows it's true. But knowing something and being able to do it are two completely different things.
Because what people don't tell you is this: forgiving someone who deeply hurt you is one of the hardest things a human being can be asked to do. It can feel like betraying yourself. Like erasing what happened. Like letting them off the hook for something they never even apologized for.
So if you've been searching for "how to forgive and let go spiritually", I want you to know something first: the fact that you're searching means you're ready. Not because forgiveness is easy, but because something in you has decided that peace matters more than the weight of what you've been carrying.
I'm Coach Mayfield, a spiritual life coach based in Brooklyn, NY, and founder of Damaged Fruits. In this post, I'm going to walk you through what forgiveness actually is (and what it isn't), why it's so hard, and 5 spiritual steps to begin releasing, even the deepest wounds.
What Forgiveness Really Means (And What It Doesn't)
Before we talk about how to forgive, we need to clear up the biggest misconception that keeps people stuck.
Forgiveness is the act of releasing your attachment to the pain — so that it stops living in your body, driving your decisions, and stealing your present moments.
Think of it this way: carrying unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to get sick. They have moved on. They may not even know you're still hurting. But every day you hold onto that resentment, you pay the price.
Forgiveness is the moment you decide: I am no longer willing to let what they did continue to cost me my peace.
What forgiveness is NOT:
What forgiveness IS:
Why Forgiving and Letting Go Spiritually Is So Hard
If forgiveness is ultimately for us — why is it so incredibly difficult?
Here are the real reasons most people struggle to forgive and let go spiritually:
1. We confuse forgiveness with justice — We confuse forgiveness with justice. When we haven't received an apology, an acknowledgment, or accountability from the person who hurt us, forgiveness can feel like we're letting them escape justice. But forgiveness and justice are separate things — you can pursue one without waiting for the other.
2. The wound is still active — The wound is still active. If the pain hasn't been fully felt and processed, forgiveness feels premature — because it is. You can't release something you haven't fully acknowledged holding.
3. Unforgiveness gives us a sense of control — Unforgiveness gives us a sense of control. As long as we hold the resentment, we feel like we're doing something about what happened. Releasing it can feel like giving up — when it's actually the opposite.
4. We were never taught how — We were never taught how. Nobody sits us down and teaches us the mechanics of spiritual forgiveness. So we try to "just get over it" — which doesn't work — and conclude that forgiveness must not be possible for us.
💛 Coach Mayfield says:
5 Steps to Forgive and Let Go Spiritually
These are not quick fixes. They are a process — one you may return to more than once for the same wound. That's not failure. That's how deep healing works.
Step 1: Feel It Before You Release It
The most common reason forgiveness doesn't stick is that we try to release something we've never fully allowed ourselves to feel.
Before you can let go spiritually, you need to acknowledge the full weight of what you're carrying. The anger. The grief. The betrayal. The humiliation. The loss of what you thought you had.
This is not about wallowing. It's about honoring the wound enough to look at it directly — so it loses the power it has when it hides in the dark.
Practical action:
Set a timer for 15 minutes. Write without stopping — everything you feel about what happened. Don't edit. Don't soften it. Let it all come out on the page. When the timer goes off, close the journal. You don't need to read it back. You just needed to let it out.
Step 2: Separate the Person From the Pain
Most people who hurt us are themselves hurting. That doesn't excuse what they did. But understanding it can begin to create a small crack of compassion — not for their actions, but for their humanity.
This step is not about defending them. It's about releasing yourself from the story that they are all-powerful over your wellbeing.
Ask yourself: What was going on in their life, their history, their wounds that may have shaped this behaviour? Again — this is not permission. This is perspective. And perspective is the beginning of release.
Practical action:
In your journal, write: "What I know about their pain or history is…" Then write: "And yet, what they did to me was wrong because…" Hold both truths at the same time.
Step 3: Choose Forgiveness as a Spiritual Declaration
Forgiveness is not a feeling that arrives one day when you've healed enough. It is a decision, a declaration that you make before the feeling follows.
In many spiritual traditions, the act of declaring forgiveness is what opens the door for the emotional release to come. You speak the intention into existence, and then the heart gradually catches up.
This is where ritual becomes powerful. A candle. A prayer. A sacred space. A witnessed declaration. These aren't just symbolic; they create a real energetic and psychological shift.
Practical action:
Light a candle. Sit quietly. Say aloud, or write, the following: "I choose to release my attachment to the pain that [name or situation] caused me. I do not condone it. I do not forget it. But I choose my peace over my resentment. I release this — not for them, but for me."
💛 Coach Mayfield's Candle Lighting Ritual:
This is the foundation of my Private Candle Lighting Ritual service — a guided, one-on-one ceremony specifically designed for deep release and spiritual forgiveness. Learn more at damagedfruits.com/candle-lighting-ritual
Step 4: Release the Narrative — Not Just the Feeling
Long after the initial pain fades, many people stay bound to what happened through the story they keep telling about it.
"I'm someone who was betrayed." "I'm someone who was abandoned." "I'm someone who trusted and got hurt." These narratives, repeated internally, keep the wound fresh and the unforgiveness alive.
Letting go spiritually means releasing not just the emotion — but the identity you've built around the wound.
Practical action:
Write your current narrative in one sentence: "I am someone who…" Then rewrite it: "I am someone who survived… and who is now…" Read the new version aloud every morning for 7 days. The story you repeat becomes the reality you live.
Step 5: Fill the Space That Resentment Leaves Behind
When we release something we've been holding for a long time, it leaves space. And if we don't intentionally fill that space with something healing — anxiety, old habits, or new resentments can rush in to fill it.
This final step is about choosing what moves into the space that unforgiveness used to occupy.
Practical action:
Ask yourself: "If I were no longer carrying this wound — what would I have energy for? What would I feel free to pursue? Who would I allow myself to become?" Write those answers down. Then choose one concrete action — however small — that moves you toward that version of yourself this week.
What Happens in Your Body When You Truly Forgive
Forgiveness is not just spiritual; it's physiological. Research consistently shows that carrying chronic resentment elevates cortisol levels, increases blood pressure, disrupts sleep, and suppresses immune function.
When you genuinely begin to release, not performing forgiveness but truly letting go, people report:
Your body has been holding this story. When you release it spiritually, your body begins to release it too.
How Long Does It Take to Forgive and Let Go?
This is the question everyone wants answered — and the honest answer is: it depends.
Some wounds release quickly once the right process is applied. Others — particularly deep betrayals, childhood wounds, or losses that involved grief — may require returning to the forgiveness work multiple times, at different depths, over months or years.
This does not mean you are doing it wrong. It means the wound was layered. And each time you return to it, you release another layer.
The most important thing is to keep choosing forgiveness — not as a destination you arrive at once, but as a direction you keep walking in.
3 Myths About Forgiveness That Keep People Stuck
1. You have to feel ready first —
You have to feel ready before you can forgive. False. You will rarely feel ready. Forgiveness is a decision made before the feeling arrives — and the feeling follows the decision, not the other way around.
2. Forgiving means reconciling —
Forgiving means reconciling. False. You can fully forgive someone and never speak to them again. Forgiveness is an internal act. Reconciliation is a relational choice — and it is entirely optional.
3. Anger means you haven't forgiven —
If you're still angry, you haven't really forgiven. False. Anger and forgiveness can coexist — especially in the early stages. Choosing forgiveness doesn't mean you stop feeling. It means you stop letting the feeling have the final word over your life.
Start Your Healing Journey — Free 7-Day Plan
If this post resonated with you, I created something that will help you take the next step in your healing — including a full practice around emotional release and letting go.
"From Broken to Blooming: A 7-Day Healing Plan" is a free, guided journal with one soulful healing practice per day — the same framework I use with my private 1:1 coaching clients.
Download your free copy at: free-healing-guide
Need Support Going Deeper? Work With Coach Mayfield
Forgiveness work is some of the deepest, most transformative work a person can do — and it is also some of the hardest to do alone.
If you've been carrying a wound for a long time and feel ready for real, lasting release, I want to invite you to explore two ways we can work together:
→ Book your free 20-minute discovery call: book-a-session
Ready to Begin? Start With This Free Resource
If this post resonated and you're ready to take your first step, I created something to help you begin today — completely free.
"From Broken to Blooming" is a guided journal with soulful healing practices designed specifically for women ready to begin releasing emotional wounds and stepping into their wholeness.
Ready to Begin? Let's Talk.
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